It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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