As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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