The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You've changed since you got that strap on
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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