Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
