I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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