Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
