If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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