I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't shave. On purpose
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
