Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
