You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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