Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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