No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
