Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
