If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
