I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
