shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
