Pappa wants mamma naked
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
