I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
