Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
