just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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