I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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