I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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