You really coming over, don't trick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i now understand why vodka
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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