watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
