If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she smelled like a LAN party
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
