I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
