In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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