It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
