The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my liver is dry heaving
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