Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
