i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
