So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
PANTIES FOUND
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