Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
