Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
