im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
