Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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