Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
