Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
