then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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