hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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