:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
