she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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