You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
