So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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