So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
