Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
