you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
