sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
