Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
