You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
